hello, self-loathing my old friend–a reflection on past mistakes, the conflicting desires of being known and being safe, and (somehow) Gospel parallels in my latest musical obsession

Please tell me I’m not the only one who occasionally fantasizes about erasing their own timeline. Really, wouldn’t the world be better without the long trail of my various offenses and misdemeanors against thoughtful society? That time I expressed a foolish opinion in front of all my classmates, or said something hurtful to my sister about her new hairstyle without even realizing it, or raged on social media about topics that no one will even remember in another half-a-decade. I wonder sometimes about how my childhood BFF is doing, if she ever recovered from all the times my insensitivity made her run off sobbing. It’s the main thing that stops me from trying to reconnect with her now, although it’s been around ten years since the last time we talked–what if she still hates me for that time I told her only babies were scared of worms? how many therapy sessions did it take her to recover from the years we were friends?

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Hello, friends!

I just wanted to put out a quick mini-post here tonight to let you all know that I am doing well despite some recent struggles with creative block and burnout. I’m not sure when I’ll be back on Twitter; I am beginning to miss it, but to be honest, I’ve enjoyed my time away from it a lot more than I expected to. I do have a new post coming Monday morning, and hopefully more updates on my cosplays coming soon as well, so be looking for those.

If you’re here from Twitter and want to stay in touch while I’m away from there, you can follow this blog and/or look me up on Instagram (though I’m also considering severely limiting my time there, as well)–@ladyoflothal for my art and cosplay, @norbidthestarsfarewell for writing, bookish things, and whatever else I happen to feel like spamming my followers with. You can also send me an email through the contact form.

Stay safe and well, everyone! Love to you all. 🙂

✨ Shay