I’ve been struggling to sleep well lately, and have regularly found myself staring at the ceiling of my room for hours before drifting off. One night earlier this week, I was tired of this routine, so I decided to try writing what I was thinking and feeling in a stream-of-consciousness blog draft. Here are those thoughts in a slightly edited form. I know this might sound a little depressing, but I value transparency and being truthful about my thoughts and feelings, choosing to share them in this almost journal-like format, over attempting to twist them into an inspirational post full of overused words and out-of-context Bible verses.
These are simply my own thoughts as they came to me in the early morning when I couldn’t sleep.
I say past year, and I mean past year. Not since the beginning of 2020; since March of 2019.
I’ve been meaning to explain all this for a while, for those who might have picked up bits and pieces of the story and could be confused, and for everyone following this blog who’s noticed my repeated absences. And since I’ll probably be stuck in the house for the foreseeable future, now is as good a time as any to get you all caught up and try to move forward with this blog.
A girl who enjoys writing and creating art wants a place to express her thoughts and feelings as she prepares to enter a new stage of her life, so she creates a blog. She comes up with a fun name, spends hours designing the site itself and making it look just how she likes, and finally it all comes together into something she’s really rather excited about. She writes her first few blog posts about various things, manages to persuade some of her friends to follow the blog…
And promptly disappears without a trace. After promising not to do that very thing.
My family is facing big changes right now. Things we thought would happen eventually, but certainly not this soon, have been thrust upon us in quick succession at a dizzying speed.
My life is being turned upside-down, and I don’t know how to plan anymore. These aren’t necessarily bad things… just life things. Things that are unavoidable and will undoubtedly have a significant effect on my future. I’ve only just begun to think seriously about college and career options, just begun to figure out what I thought the next steps for education would be… and now it’s like the rug has been ripped from beneath my feet.